The Inquiry of Losing You

by Marcus Broderick Montgomery

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1.

about

I bought mySelf flowers.

Baby’s Breath. Lavender. Roses. Yarrow.

I made mySelf a tourniquet & surrounded mySelf in the softest of stone.

Lit a vigil.
Bathed in the smoke.

Adorned in Silver & Gold, Diamonds, Lilac & Cream, Follicles of Entanglement..

I rested there & thought of You.
Bore witness to mySelf.

Honored my intentions—my mistakes—my misgivings.

I Loved You.

In your absence
I'd realize that you were
the living embodiment
of all I’d known before you,
all that threatened to kill me
& everything I’d ever love.
You, my possessed loneliness, would taunt me into a stupor.

Until the day I found mySelf wrapped in the softest stone..
surrounded by flowers, bathed in smoke, before a vigil, adorned in silver, gold, diamonds, lilac & cream.
Still Bleeding.
Crowned 'neath an entanglement of precious follicles.
Realizing Self but not much else.

Such is as it was, The Inquiry of Losing You.
All I know today is, that I must find Me.

A Penultimatum.

credits

released March 20, 2018

The Inquiry of Losing You was Written, Composed, Performed, & Recorded by Marcus Broderick Montgomery|

Ceremonial Work & Visual Representation was Curated & Edited by
Marcus Broderick Montgomery|

Directed with Skylar Dunn-Lubin|
studiomosaic.org

Filmed By
Nathan Mansakahn|
&
Desmond Wordlaw|
www.instagram.com/t.e.o.a

Highest Gratitude;

R. Montgomery & B. Baccus
Jeff Morrow
Louvel Delon occultbookstore.com
Kale Green www.flowersfordreams.com
Ezra Morris lastnameezra.bandcamp.com
Alma Cook www.hearalma.com
D.J. Williamson soundcloud.com/naughta
Chad Omari
Nate Bakkum
Denenge Akpem denenge.net
Skylar St. Claire
Bryan Allen Lamb www.bryanallenlamb.com
Viktor Le www.southernandroid.com

Ritual Wares & Herbs from The Occult Bookstore
1164 North Milwaukee Avenue, Chicago, IL, 60642
occultbookstore.com

Flowers from Flowers For Dreams
1812 W Hubbard St, Chicago, IL 60622
www.flowersfordreams.com

Crystals from Daves Rock Shop
711 Main St, Evanston, IL 60202
davesrockshop.com

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Marcus Broderick Montgomery Chicago, Illinois

Intention (n.)
Purpose,
Stretching.
That flesh
reaches
from itSelf—
toward itSelf—
for itSelf—
What else is
Self Love?
Coalescence.

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Track Name: The Inquiry of Losing You
So what if you have all this power over me?
So what if you were the only thing I wanted?
So what if I ended up giving you everything?
So what if after all the drama|trauma I end up haunted?
So what if I’ve loved & I’ve prayed & I’ve fought & I’ve lost?

I don’t miss who you are
I just miss what I saw
The vision was blurry
But the colors were bright
Now I only see scars
Left from my holding on
To your hands the potential
For my means to be justified

So what if you’re still the same person I met in the fall?
So what if I realize that I was only in love with an idea?
So what if now I see it clearly & I see it all?
So what if the time has come for me to make mySelf clear? So what if I don’t want to be in this mess with you anymore?

You’re just not capable
Of taking responsibility
For your part in this
For your feelings
& I held that against you
So perhaps then it’s no fable
That you did all you could do for me
Never mind my believing
That you simply chose not to comply

So what if this is goodbye after two long years?
So what if I’m falling apart over this & you’re just fine?
So what if your hurting me helped me to face my fears?
So what if I’m learning that there’s no such thing as wasted time?

So what if I honestly loved you & I honestly lost?
So what if I’m tired of drowning & this was my choice to breathe?
So what if I had to invest in mySelf & you were the cost?
So what if after all the suffering, this is our reprieve?

So what if this is the end;
For us?
Forever?
For good?
For my own good?

This is The Inquiry of Losing You.